Argh. I swear this month this year, has been an emotional roller coaster for me.

I'm still trying to make sense of the timestamps and chain of events that led to this state. 29 January, 11.45pm - was the very last time she ever called me. It has been a bumpy road since then. It started to get real rocky over the 25-26 Jan weekend too, but I thought we got through that fairly ok.

It has been a very rough journey. I shake my head to that statement because it really has been one hell of a ride for me. I admit my faith has been shaken a little, but my stamina is still strong. The chain of events that happened were probably that Thursday, the room mate started to be very ca1cu1ative about the 50% 50% rental. I took side with the room mate a little because his argument was reasonable, but also took her side to say that he could have explained it way earlier. Pissed she was.

Friday, she went to fix her car - which probably cost a bomb. Partially due to my messages to her while she was driving, which led to an accident as she was texting while driving. Then came 2nd feb Saturday where angry fireworks burst into the night sky. Sunday, 3rd feb was cold war and plain disapproval just came out.

After days of cooling off, I tried again since yesterday 6 Feb. 7th Feb (today) was just another deep encounter where she repeatedly spoke of us only as friends. My heart cracked a little. I denied many times, but there's only so much you can do. And recently, she got caught for slacking off at work - which my advice was to really be careful and not do it too often. 

Probably, I should let it cool off again tonight. Tonight she spoke about "better options over there", which I just got real sour. Am I not good enough? Or is it the god damn money factor? Or the distance? I just can't understand for the factor that, "When I'm there, she shows little interest", "When I'm not around, she wants me to be around." It's very conflicting and it pains every part of me.

She tells me that she's bored of it all. It's only February. I have plans for the entire year, every month seriously. How do you define bored when the last time we saw each other was like 2 weeks ago? Long distance is just painful, I know that. I have 30$ worth of calling card, it is not about the money, but more of getting her back.

I'm so confused. I'm not sure what would be the response for the upcoming surprise. I might be surprised myself. I might not recover from this heartache.

"Heartbreak Warfare"