Running on a continuous dynamo can burn out even the most endured person. I pushed too hard, too soon. I'm able to go on this weekly routine for months, without a clue that time is passing me by. Routinely being there, and ensuring my top performance.

However, one thing felt amiss, was my identity. It was all about him, and all about her. Sometimes you just forget who you really are. I won't say a slave, but more robotic nature. Somehow, I believe this nature is also attributed to my condition. I can't seem to shake this painful nuisance.

It has been 6 months. It has been an odd ride for me. Happy times as well as times where I just want to drop it all. Working non-stop doesn't help as well, because there's no chance to even take your mind off it. I always cherish the necessity of being there, hence it has never occurred to me, that I can be absent. A friend told me that work still goes on with or without you, and there's no day when you can finish everything you're doing.

These 6 months have been real tough on myself. With my appraisal coming on stream tomorrow, I guess i could reflect a little before I say the wrong things tomorrow. I'm a man of great sources of preparation. Definitely, these 6 months of toughness has made me a little more emotionally robust, because the work environment requires a pinch of emotional touch. This is often what is lacking in my processes, because well one should not really plan with emotional context, because it clouds the judgment.

What I've learnt within this short period, is indeed a great resource for me. But moving ahead, things are becoming routine, non-realistic and awfully not challenging. How do I define challenging? Things which are achievable but difficult in nature, and things which can be resolved with scientific ideology. I've learnt recently that I'm being measured by a certain level of inequality and incompetency. Somehow, I just doubt that some hybrids are not as good as specialties. Regardless of the spearhead, I was chosen for a reason.

I know I've made a promise internally to endure the uncertain waves of duties, but I couldn't help myself. I had to venture out into the wild, and the wild has returned with responses. Would I really take that leap? What impressions do I want to leave behind?

The hunt has gotten really bad. Somehow, I must add to my ethics and standards that I have to seal the deal, rather than tempt the shark. But that's all just momentary and pure luck. I just want to emphasize on a great take away which business has taught me. Never put your eggs in one basket, and always look upon new horizons to diversify. But we humans get contented real quick, because we try to instill that level of confidence and loyalty. I mean, isn't that what reality has taught us? To be faithful to the cause.

I've indeed some mixed emotions flying about. Perhaps, the positive ones are coming from movies which I've been watching lately. I feel rather confident to say that love movies really do create some impact on a person's emotion to seek love. Humans feel that they too can be as blissful as what they see in movies. I don't blame them for it, but would it be too naive? Or am I too negative? Well, I don't really see myself in a blissful state in the near term. Not sure why so, either because it's a personal choice? no rightful within arms length? No specifics? Or just emotional baggage, which seriously what baggage?!

"Just the way we set our lives to be" - frostdude