Why did i think about this?
You know, there comes a time..when you try to take the world's blame on your shoulder, and pray that given another chance, you would very much do the right thing from the start. But you know, such thoughts are only a mere dream; and changing the past will only cause a butterfly effect in the ripples of time.
I was silly enough to try to dig but only to fail trying. I was hoping that Internet has that ability to keep track of my data 10 years ago. It was a naive thing to do but i thought it would come true. What was i finding? I was hoping to dig up my very first online diary which i made in 2002; which lasted till 2004-2005. I can't really remember when i started Blogspot, but.. sigh.
I was just wrapping myself back in the past. Till today, i still blame myself for how it actually turned out. It was pretty much unsolved, and you know things do not go unsolved, they only just get buried. And today, i managed to dig up this shit load. And till today, i still cant face...
It was an accident? I did not mean to murder a soul. And seeing how this soul has become, i had it all wrong then. I couldn't fix things on time. And time and time again, i open up the envelope which was sent and read those 3 hand-typed pages worth of feelings. It always bring back an unforgettable past.
It was in these 3 pages which i managed to find an unfortunately dead URL;
http://freeopendiary.com/entryview109.asp?authorcode=a643964&entry=10096
It wouldn't make a difference if i found it or not. I just wanted to save that entire diary down. It would have serve as another disappointing milestone. I blame myself because it was one of those times when someone was as vulnerable as a helpless mice in a cage and all one did was to turn on the tap to drown that mice. I did not know such honest mistake would serve a bigger development in my life today.
If it was settled then, would it be any better today? If it did not happen then, would it have led to a newer route? If i did not dial-up message and Motorola Sms-ed, would it disappear then? If i had known about the 3 pages then before it all happened, won't it have been great? It was bad to dig up this mess, but i just wanted to.. as perhaps an annually recollection of myself.
And till today, those 3 pages have not faded at all. It has always been filed with an envelope, hoping that one day this wrong could be made a better right than its already so wrong these rightful years.
I wonder, when will i get this settled?
You know, there comes a time..when you try to take the world's blame on your shoulder, and pray that given another chance, you would very much do the right thing from the start. But you know, such thoughts are only a mere dream; and changing the past will only cause a butterfly effect in the ripples of time.
I was silly enough to try to dig but only to fail trying. I was hoping that Internet has that ability to keep track of my data 10 years ago. It was a naive thing to do but i thought it would come true. What was i finding? I was hoping to dig up my very first online diary which i made in 2002; which lasted till 2004-2005. I can't really remember when i started Blogspot, but.. sigh.
I was just wrapping myself back in the past. Till today, i still blame myself for how it actually turned out. It was pretty much unsolved, and you know things do not go unsolved, they only just get buried. And today, i managed to dig up this shit load. And till today, i still cant face...
It was an accident? I did not mean to murder a soul. And seeing how this soul has become, i had it all wrong then. I couldn't fix things on time. And time and time again, i open up the envelope which was sent and read those 3 hand-typed pages worth of feelings. It always bring back an unforgettable past.
It was in these 3 pages which i managed to find an unfortunately dead URL;
http://freeopendiary.com/entryview109.asp?authorcode=a643964&entry=10096
It wouldn't make a difference if i found it or not. I just wanted to save that entire diary down. It would have serve as another disappointing milestone. I blame myself because it was one of those times when someone was as vulnerable as a helpless mice in a cage and all one did was to turn on the tap to drown that mice. I did not know such honest mistake would serve a bigger development in my life today.
If it was settled then, would it be any better today? If it did not happen then, would it have led to a newer route? If i did not dial-up message and Motorola Sms-ed, would it disappear then? If i had known about the 3 pages then before it all happened, won't it have been great? It was bad to dig up this mess, but i just wanted to.. as perhaps an annually recollection of myself.
And till today, those 3 pages have not faded at all. It has always been filed with an envelope, hoping that one day this wrong could be made a better right than its already so wrong these rightful years.
I wonder, when will i get this settled?
"I wish then, that I was who I am today." - frostdude
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