Whatever textbooks say, they are simply wrong. It's never so easy and simple to say A is Apple and B is Banana. Perhaps, its the ideology of being a newbie that makes it even much worse. Is it a big culture shock to me? I guess, I would say that with comparison to textbook examples and theories, the ideas and what I've learnt have simply become blurred. Our brains try to find similarities in what we have learnt and been taught. And sometimes, they just don't sync.

Believing in the idea is just not enough. In all textbooks based, the ideas are very much conceptualized on paper. However, in this new context exposure, I'm thrown with the idea that conceptualization is just the pre-mature stage. In fact, they do look for more readily implementable concepts. But, being a newbie, it makes it all much harder than before. You can simply just submit a well-taught idea to your lecturer and get marks, but then again what if your lecturer asked you to GET IT DONE, that's another trouble altogether.

Don't get me wrong. My induction is still on its way. I'm not even going to touch on job satisfaction just yet because I'm still at a stage of pre-mature growth. It gets worse when I'm seated where the brain requires wrecking of the understanding of the overall complexity of the overall entity. And all the new terminologies, just make it unbearable.

I shouldn't make assumptions, not yet I suppose. I'm just at a point in my induction that I feel I'm reading endlessly without a bigger understood purpose. It is like researching on a dissertation topic without putting the ideas down into use. So, eventually it becomes plain recreational reading.

Perhaps its the greater excitement catching on to me to really make good use of my skills. This excitement however, is intensively backfiring on me because I'm kind of creating trouble when there's no need to investigate. Perhaps, I too pictured myself a different way, so I'm getting a bigger shock.

This is indeed a new stage which I'm in. I'm starting to feel the lifelessness in my days. My friends say I need to expand the existing network via upgrade or penetration. But it seems like a conflicting ideology that people at work cannot wait to get away from your presence. It is not your fault nor theirs, but at the end of the day, people realize that have that little time left for adequate socialization with themselves and their own network.

Another thing to note is the realization of dissimilar core values and personalities among my existing crowd. But then again, I think it's just me, transiting into a period where I begin to wonder who I really am? The words I speak need to enter a stage of quality assurance and validity before they sip from my mouth. Is it me or are they all alike? And why can't I be like them? Perhaps upbringing? or just intrinsic personality that needs to evolve in order to sustain my presence in my existing foothold? That still remains unsaid and unforeseen.

But then again, everyone has to start somewhere; somewhere small and comfy and slowly reach for the next hand grip. And along the way, when you slip off, just be sure that there are always safety nets around you.

"Dissonance in Values, Attributes and Personalities" - frostdude