I must say November is one of the lowest point this year. It's silly how taboo backfires on you. Some things should not have been said, and sometimes retribution accumulates. The first week of November has been really a hell gateway for me. Though November blessed us with a good long weekend, it was an opportunity for things to go wrong, really wrong.

Somehow today I'm feeling the lost of words. The words to describe my thoughts but today I just figured I needed to write something down on this web space. I guess when things screw up, everything just goes haywire. Come to think of it, I should have gotten a ticket to India with my friends to celebrate divali??? Everything would have been saved.

But its all a wreck now. Tomorrow, I'm going to find out the repair costs of the vehicle. I hate this feeling of uncertainty. And even though my father intends to pay for it all, I just feel the need to repay in full, regardless if the insurance covers it or not. I mean, it is not like I don't have the money, but I just feel the lost of pride in this sense. And not forgetting, I hate being the spoilt one in the family, and since I've solely caused the damages, I think I should take more responsibility than just brooding over it.

Furthermore, if I pay for it, I feel the ache, and I feel better. Though it doesn't make sense, but I just want to feel the pay and ache of it, and let others know that I've paid my dues for my damages, rather than simply presenting an emotionally distress in this period of time. And perhaps after paying for it, I can just forget about it. It was really a screwed up situation.

Just one mistake, has caused another new chain of actions which would not have been triggered. I've stayed home for the past few days during the long weekend, and completed my main objective. And now, it seems what i rejected a few weeks back, I have no choice but to accept it again. I'm doing it for the money, and its not because I need to pay for this bill, but its also because I have other priorities which my capital was set out for. And now seeing that extra unnecessary outflow I have incurred, what more can I say? We are all financially motivated on one or another.

As such, I promise myself that I will not be touching the wheel till 2011; MANDATORY. Beyond that year and date, it's subjected again to further confirmation, but most likely I'm going to stick to public transport once again. I mean comparing mobile vehicle versus public transport, it would seem that both form of transport clocks an approximate same timing, so what's the point of incurring this extra risk? And probably, extra cost. Just for a little bit more aircon, comfort and luxury of sending people and ferrying them around.

I just feel really depressed with myself lately. It seems like one of the darkest pit to fall into. And I really hope this undesirable month of November only falls on the first week of November and not chain combo to other weeks of this month.

And for the first time, there's no quote for this entry.

"Sincerely, stop." - frostdude