Hmm, I feel sometimes im not an opportunist, but sometimes when i want to be, i'm unable to. Sometimes when i'm able to, i don't feel like it. Sometimes when i have to, i just pile myself up with other unnecessary to keep me busy and going till the time when the need to is being suppressed. But most of all, when its time to take on the opportunity, i would just close my eyes and pretend it's a risky decision and somehow someway i live to regret it only at the end of the day.

but somehow, i can never bring myself to believe that one day something would drop right from the sky. They say you have to earn it to have it. And somehow relying on a premature attempt to make things right, doesnt seem to go my way.. or perhaps any other people's way. It doesnt work that way, that's why i'm not cut out for it. What is so wrong about envy; you envy the things you don't have which others have but when it comes to owning it; it takes more than just a simple envious to make things work out as well as it should.

I'm not happy, not even a little bit. They say we should be happy for people's fortune and wish the best to come. The worse part is just standing behind the curtains and watching the whole show go on. This has been the case for such a long time now. Perhaps, the man behind the scene does not get much credit as the actors playing the role in the scene.

I fail to make myself in a way that i could look back and see that everything was worth the while. The whole routine maze routing has only made me re-enter the same route in search of something which was not there at all. The smell of the cheese is so alluring but; it is just a mere tease. Instead of finding cheese, rats should learn to make them!

I won't bury myself in this whole chuck of distress because it will not get me anywhere, and after i click this "PUBLISH POST"; i'll just live on another bit of this existence, with another regret on my checklist. It was not for me to say or push for success cos we all know that wine doesnt taste as good as it is, when it is freshly opened. The role that i play; is a role which i've always decided to play; be the good to accompany the good in the battle for justice and evil. But the reward, many say, should come as a bonus rather than an incentive or an achievement.

That, for me, i can't do it; so that is why.. i've failed in this battle. It is only best that i return to the role of a "complete observer", for then the impact which i've always receive would be greatly reduced in a way that it would be acceptable to live with.

Absolute Dilemma.

" But then they say, High-Risk-High-Return or No-Pain-No-Gain " - frostdude