Somehow, sometimes I feel its the emotional barrier which keeps me out of the loop. It is not something which is a big problem, but it's something which just needs to be addressed on a daily issue which many try to avoid one way or another. I feel sometimes the world is on my shoulder, though my felt significance is under-value and under-appreciated. The world sees a different side of me, from their view of their perception and their past failures.

Such propositions, only cause one the tendency to become what they think i should be instead of what i'm already. A lifetime's worth of retention and reshaping only to get blown away by a major setback. Somehow the only barrier is this setback, and it caused a big chain of reaction which affected the many routes i've taken. Sometimes its just a matter of reshaping a minor tendency but when it grows to become a full-blown child, it takes more than just a day or two to tweak what used to be broken and uncared for.

They say time heals scars and heals the mis-adventures inside of us. Time steers us as we move on, in life. But, what is actually happening is that we are just steering forward with excessive baggage in our hands. And as time grows by, what we are doing is carrying it and just placing it into another dark hole where someday, just someday we will come back to it.

Many times, it is not a choice of whether you come back for it or not. It just emerges out of the blue; though many say an emergent strategy is crucial at this point in time but with such a huge emotional baggage to carry on, how would one properly react well to it?

Today, i was faced with such a situation, where i had to dig up something which i left behind, ages ago. It was not difficult to dig up these essentials but somehow i thought it would be better to leave it behind. Recovering these broken pieces which were shattered during the good old days, was a fruitful look back at how silly and unskilled one can be. I giggled at my incompetencies then, and thought to myself that with a sensitive analysis, what if i could actually have that opportunity to revisit these situations.

Nothing is fool proof, and mistakes are often made. Till today, after a close to 10 years, the feeling of despair still resides in me, though there have been many past successful attempts. Sometimes, one tends to look back at the past, in hopes of changing what he can't while he forgoes his success because they were prematurely achieved, probably because of luck?

A wise one asked me if i could get back into the game. The game is not at all as you think it is. It's simply having another entity to shape your life around. Somehow, as the urges grow, so does the past resistance. That resistance is holding me back from achieving the inevitable. However, i'm simply delaying the process by telling myself that priority holds a different fate for me.

Aside from these, the growing population within my grasp is well, growing. There is a part of me that says opportunity is key. There's another part of me that says you don't want to make the same mistakes again. The problem with mistakes made these days, is we humans blame ourselves for our inadequacies in the lack of proper achievement and utilization of resources.

But somehow, the idea still floats about with the ideology that maybe the fault was not in your hands, but it was simply a big chuck of events that led to this very mistake. Do think about this, a mistake only happens when a series of clouded judgments were made in your presence which had a chain reaction with the other counter-parts lives. In this theory, this is known as the Chaos Theory Effect.

Each individual had their own mistakes to make and they served their role. In all this revelations, somehow you were the better one to reflect upon your mistakes, rather than the other individuals who cared less.

"Reflection is the key; however, one must have the self-awareness to do so." - frostdude